If You Don’t Do Newspeak—You Might Be Problematic.

The enchanting Chanty Binx is not #problematic

If someone calls you cisgendered but you insist you’re “bro”-gendered—you might be problematic.

If you think microaggressions involve midget wrestling—you might be problematic.

If you think “trigger warnings” are coming to take your guns away—you might be problematic.

If you think acronyms like “LGBTQIAA” have the aesthetic appeal of a botched spelling bee—you might be problematic.

If you got a haircut and a real job—you might be problematic.

If you think a “safe space” is where Diversity and Inclusion consultants keep their corporate earnings—you might be problematic.

If you rap along to an NWA track—you might be problematic.

If you rap inoffensive alternate lyrics over an NWA track—you might be problematic.

If you are an unsolved math equation—you might be problematic.

If you didn’t dress as a white dude for Halloween—you might be problematic.

If you think “ze” and “hirs” sound like the result of a speech impediment—you might be problematic.

If you consider bathhouses to be the height of male chauvinism—you might be problematic.

If you don’t try to speak Spanish—you might be problematic.

If you try to speak Spanish—you might be problematic.

If you think “polyamory” sounds like some kind of venereal disease—you might be problematic.

If you don’t believe all religions lead to God—you might be problematic.

If you believe in God—you might be problematic.

If you like yourself—you might be problematic.

If you think a “leftist” is a right-handed wanker suffering from Peyronie’s Disease—you might be problematic.

If you think the term “partner” carries all the romantic charge of a business contract—you might be problematic.

If you advocate for any borders besides locked doors, velvet ropes, and gated communities—you might be problematic.

If you think “FUCK THE PATRIARCHY” sounds like a sexual proposition—you might be problematic.

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